Not a failure... but a new beginning.

I know in my previous post I was quite down.

Wel I've decided that instead of being a failure, this admission is a new beginning. Wow. I didn't even mention last time that I had decided on another admission!! How quickly things change; a few weeks ago I was was adament that there would not be anymore admissions. I was doing this by myself.

But a life lived on 900 cals and spent burning all of it off again is no life at all. Coming in here has opened my eyes to how bloody tired I have gotten, and how far I had sunk. It's hard with all these really small anorexic girls but I'm focussing on my recovery and what I need.



I got phase 1 at ward round, so I have two leaves which are accompanied so someone has to be with me. Usually I'm unaccompanied but the exercise urges are just so huge at the moment that I asked to be on it to stay safe. But the big thing is I'm off post meal- so no supervision after meals! I can stay in the lounge if I want but I can also go off to my room which has been a big help. I don't want to get too involved with all the politics that go in in the unit, I'm focussing on me and what I need. Also staying in touch with friends outside of here is a huge help!!

I'm going out today!! Which will be amazing. A friend from res is picking me up and taking me back there. So I'll be out from 12:30 til 3!! :) I'm ignoring my study until tomorrow when I'll start. But I have an amazing tutor who is also a student advocate so she she is willing to help me work through the paperwork for special consideration; I just need to get past my bloody pride!