Entry from today

I am so tired, I really can't be bothered writing in my journal so I'll write on here instead- actually this is kind of what prompted me to start a blog!!

Today was a pretty good birthday; it was weird waking up and not being at home. It was nice being able to do my own thing, but it didn't really feel like my birthday until I saw M and S and then after that when I got the train home and saw my family.

I started outreach today and I can already see it's going to be really hard. I'm really struggling at the Res (where I'm living) and have cut my calories down quite a bit- not intentionally. It's just so hard when I have a bmi that is technically overweight- I was promised I wouldn't gain and I have. OK but i won't go there, not in my first real post. It was really hard having to eat a real lunch and having to eat meat. At the Res they serve either a meat option or a vegan option for dinner and of course, vegan is easier. So now I've moved, I'm a vegetarian or that's what I've told people when they ask. Ugh, stupid!!

Today I decided that I'd show ED and I'd eat some chocolate; so I did. I ate a little more than I was comfortable with. I hate it, I try to challenge and then it backfires. I'm feeling so confused and vulnerable right now. This move has really thrown me, I don't know why. I love the people where I'm staying, and I've already made friends at uni.. but my ED has seized on all the freedom I now have. But I can't continue to give in; I've fought too long and hard to give in now.

I'm going out for breakfast tomorrow with a good friend R, which will be so nice!! I love doing breakfast with her, we're breakfast buddies!! But it will be scary since I've cut back a lot on what I will eat in the last month or so :( But I will push myself! And then I will have some birthday cake for afternoon tea, white chocolate mud cake. So scary!! But I will do it, I am allowed to have cake for my freaking birthday! (even if it is the day after!).

Wow first post!!

Hmm so wow, Hi!!

I've been reading recovery blogs a little for the past months and they've really inspired me!! I'm hoping that maybe I'll be able to find some accountability, friendship and an outlet of everything along the way. I have had an ED for around 7 or so years now, and have been in some kind of recovery for about 2. I'm a little unsure about what I want right now in terms of recovery but I'm trying.

I'm 20 today!! wow. Feel so old. I can't believe I'm not a teenager anymore.
I live in Victoria, Australia and recently moved to go to uni!! Yay so exciting- it has been my dream for a long time and I am really excited to have gotten this chance to move down. I'm studying arts-history, philosophy and english; which are all subjects I've been really passionate about.

I really hope that I can start to find myself this year, and find life along the way.

I will probably mention my treamtment team, it's really confusing there are a lot of J's!! I seem to go for people starting with J to be on my team; it's crazy.
So J is my psychologist
C is my psychiatrist
JJ is my dietitian

I hope that I can muddle my way along, and be honest, and give support as much as I can.

C-