Maybe starting to blog again??? A bit of a recep of what's been happening

I have so many thoughts these days.. I was encouraged by someone on caloriecount to start blogging again.. maybe my thoughts are worth reading after all?? I have so many.. I often journal but it's a little scary putting my thoughts "out there"- after all who would think them worthy of being read??

But anyway.

I hope that my posts, if I do keep posting, are more positive than in the past because I am doing well with my ED recovery. It has not been an easy time since I posted. Multiple hospital admissions, a psych ICU admission which resulted in me having to move home. Moving home was the best thing I could have done. I was in a state of relapse ever since my admission to hospital last year in July until February this year.. I got sicker than I realised and lost a lot of weight- but am still technically "overweight" though my dietitian assures me this will resolve itself through regular eating. I have worked for my Dad since November last year and it's been the best thing for me.

I had a huge turning point in February around the time of my birthday. I was so deep in my ED. but the only terms I could turn things around on was that I could continue losing weight. So I continued to lose weight but cut down on the unhealthiest behaviours I was using (I don't want to mention them right now as I don't want to be triggering). I still kept calorie counting and strictly eating certain foods as well as over-exercising. So I was still so sick. I refused to go into hospital though against the wishes of my psychiatrist. I did an amazing job apparently and managed to do what most of my team thought impossible- go to England and France with my Mum for my close friends wedding!! I had an amazing time and ate more freely than I had been. (but that may be another post later on.. it needs a whole post of its own!).

However I didn't manage to keep this up once I got back. A few things happened to throw my world into disarray and after more than a year  I went back into EDP (the eating disorders program I go into). This was a hard admission, I really challenged myself and halfway through my psychiatrist took ill and I was basically left on my own. But the support of the dietitian was amazing, I saw her nearly daily and she really challenged me- choosing my meals and snacks for the first week that I was in there. I was in there for three weeks and came out not quite ready but ready to change and dive headfirst into recovery outside of hospital.

And there I have stayed. It hasn't been easy with my psychiatrist away, but I have been seeing my psychologist twice weekly. My dietitian is amazing and while she was away I missed her more than I realised. She really helped me when I saw her this week, and my mood instantly lifted.
I have been dealing with anxiety and depression since I got out though, which has been hard. I am on antipsychotics, which I hate the name of but really help. My fill in psychiatrist changed the med that I was on but I decided yesterday to go back onto Zyprexa the med I was originally on- a med which is known for putting on weight. But it helps my mood, anxiety and ED thoughts so much that I am ready to gain a little weight, although I hope that it will contain the night time eating that the other med (saphris) was causing that has possibly made me gain a little weight anyway.

That is enough for now I think.. I hope someone reads this.. I will think of something better to post about next time!