A bit of a downer.

This post may not be the most positive; today is a hard way in a few ways.
First of all it's my close friends fueral; I can't believe she's gone. But I can't think about it too much, I need to be a little bit selfish. I'm not going. Mainly because I have my last exam today which I'm freaking out about. I've done so much study but I'm not sure how much my brain is retaining. I used to have great retention but this latest relapse has proved harder to bounce back from.

It seems that the more I relapse, the lower I get and the harder it is to climb back out of. I've been in here four weeks now and my mood and anxiety arent much different. My anxiety around meals is a little better but apart from that.. it's still struggle town. I'm struggling to not exercise so much. I feel like I'm on a huge mealplan that I'm not going to be able to keep up. I had a nutrition group yesterday that freaked me out- talking about which foods we're eating now and what it would look like if we were discharged now. Usually by this point I'm in a much better place.. I mean I still have 3 or 4 weeks left before I leave, but yeh. I didn't do well on my leave yesterday. I barely ate anything for dinner at Res- even though I knew I should I just felt like I didn't need it because we went out for coffee and cake and I had this huge muffin so it's not like I even needed dinner? But I know that's the ED. SO frustrating.
I am trying but it's just so hard.
But on the postive side in 5 hours my exams will be done for the year! Well hopefully anyway, if I fail I am able to do a supplementary exam. Which is good because my head is all over the place. I was going to do more study this morning but I'm too tired.. all I want to do is sleep.. so I'm off to have a nap now before lunch and hopefully will feel better for my exam!